Saturday, October 27, 2012
I must admit it was shocking to discover not just that I wrote something, but that when I later had chance to read it, it read well. You must know from me that yesterday was a VERY bad day for me.
I slept much, and today remember nothing of yesterday. Was even unsure I had written anything when I checked my mail to find I had. This might have been far more unsettling had I been in a better frame of mind… but even today I am lost.
Just when I feel like I might have at least a couple of hours, I feel that unmistakable drag on my mind making thinking and doing, speaking and writing, impossible.
I can only say that there must be some deep part of my that conscious thought does not reach or expose that cannot do without writing something some of the time and does so with enough effort that somehow mistakes are not made, or very few are.
If this puzzles you it confuses and confounds me. It is something that happens that I do not control consciously, if I did so it would be much more difficult to write and even worse for you the reader to read.
I often get a headache, while doing this and am unsure why. Something is perhaps trying too hard?
Anyway, I must let all of you know how much I appreciate you, your thoughts and encouragement. Even though I cannot be on as much as I would like, cannot write as much as seems is in demand (not just by all who read what I write, but myself) I try not to let you drift too far from my care and thoughts.
I am having many anxious days when I feel like there is something that desperately needs to be done, yet not only can I not bring to light what it might be, I seldom have the ability(?) to do it.
I know there are yet millions and more words that clamor to be released and revealed to the world, stories, ideas, and more, and pictures to be drawn, and so much else that at this moment escapes me. But these same all elude me too often.
I am tired, have needed to rest for awhile today, but was unable to so thought writing this might help.
My heart attempts to reach what my closer mind cannot proving to me that despite how vast the universe might be, the mind is more so.