Okay, I realize that this may sound strange, but sitting here reading the responses from all of you I have suddenly
Realized something, maybe this disease is a blessing in disguise. At least, for me.
Why? Well simply because I have still the capability to, at least some days, put into words most everything I am feeling and going through where so many cannot.
I have journals I have been keeping since I was quite young and have just yesterday finished yet another. Today I hope to start another so I can continue the journey I started so long ago. Certainly much of the earlier ones have a lot of foolishness, who doesn’t often write foolish things once in a while?
I hope though I have, especially in the last several, given enough information that others who might read them later might see something useful in the words, or even by reading between the lines.
I have always tried to share what I thought, and hoped, might be helpful to others. If I can help even one, bring comfort to even one, then I will be happy, despite not always feeling that way. To be honest, Alzheimer’s really makes it hard not to feel like you are a burden and nothing but trouble.
When I was in the fourth grade someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I told them I wanted to be a teacher, but not the kind who taught in a classroom. I didn’t feel that a classroom was the proper setting to teach in. Now at first many of my classmates were shocked, they knew how I felt about school, it bored me to tears. But when I explained about how I wanted to teach many actually wished me luck.
So I guess in a way I am doing just what I wanted and in the manner in which I wanted to do so. I should be happy, yet I know I haven’t a lot of time to do everything I want and need so badly to do.
I thank everyone for their kind and thoughtful words, the hugs and prayers and especially in letting me know I have, despite it all, accomplished some of what I had hoped to. I hope to be able to continue doing so for a while, though I cannot make any promises. Planning was never something I did, it seemed silly as we are never in as much control as we believe we are and so many things can and do happen to make plans well, silly.
I will write for as long as I can and share all I can when I can.
Thanks again for being there for me and for everyone who needs a shoulder.