Monday, December 8, 2014
Scattered & lost
Friday, December 5, 2014
The feelings of late is not gentleness. Too often I see movement as a stuttering motion. Like when a light flickers, This throws me more than I can say because I do not yet understand what is happening.
There is a part of me that feels the child is still there, that time might have changed the body but the whi I am has remained the same,
What am I besides lost? The face I see in the mirror does not seem like mine and I wonder who it is staring back at me.
Am I real? Or am I all the peol
I have no memory of writing the above and have no idea what I might have been trying to say on the last line. It has not been a good time for me. I cannot recall much of November and get confused, not to mention a headache, when I try to recall much more than the tiny glimpses I see. And I am not sure I trust those to be real.
This time of year is usually more difficult than the rest of the year. But somehow this is very different. I have a feeling that when I finally come out onto the other side well I won’t.
It is difficult to explain. I am losing more time faster. What I think was only a few minutes at most has been turning out to be much longer.
It is harder to tell the difference between dream and waking. I imagine I have been existing in some weird fog state. The brief moments I get in the world are beginning to come with a very heavy price.
I vaguely recall going to VA, but could not tell you when we did so as everything is jumbled up and much of it hid from me.
Sorry, there was more I think I wanted to say, but everything is shutting down.