Witnessing so much shamefulness


We can sling mud at each other all day every day and never get anywhere, just plain dirty, and look very foolish by the end of it. It never solves problems and never fixes anything. Just makes one another dirty and angry. oh and sometimes that mud you sling, may have a rock in it and hurt someone and that someone may not be the one you thought it would be.

When someone is insistent on behaving like an infant instead of an adult they are setting no good example. And those who support those sadly immature adults or shrug off what they do are just as bad. They harm everyone and everything around them and it doesn’t matter if they don’t think they are or realize they are. They are guilty just the same.

We all wish when we are children to be an adult, but once we are we find how truly difficult life really is and how many we are responsible for. It isn’t as fun as we think it is and it last so much longer.

I am very sad to be a witness to the shameful things being said and done, it really makes me wish I could close my eyes and go to sleep and never wake up.

Speaking my mind would too often upset many and solve nothing as no one seems to care what one another thinks anymore. No views are shared in friendly debate, there is just hatefulness.

It is a shame there is no one to set a better example for the people and most important those people who will hold the future in their hands.

The sea is filled with all the bitter tears so many innocent have shed and there seems no end in sight. Just trampled hearts and dreams that have been shattered.




Never give up!

What do I do? Never give up!

Monday, June 19, 2017

12:53 AM

Ron wants to take a trip like we did several years ago. When I could walk a little, and more when using a walker. Yes, I used the wheelchair some, but I could get around if I had to especially in tight, or confined places.


This time, there will be no use of a walker, I can’t use one, though Adrian keeps insisting that with just a little exercise I would be able to use first the walker, then not need it. But that would mean that too many things simply were not wrong with me. That either I was imagining it all, making it up for attention, or that the doctors and all those tests they ran on me were wrong. Considering I have been on the Alzheimer’s meds for almost 10 years, I think that is highly unlikely, but some people still believe the moon walk never happened and the holocaust was a made up story to start a war.


What people don’t understand is, just because you don’t believe something happened, something big, doesn’t mean it never happened. Like when you say, “I don’t believe in God.” Funny thing about that, he believes in you.


It seriously is amazing some of the things people will and will not believe. For the most part it doesn’t make sense. People will often believe the most outlandish things and then turn right around and deny that something far simpler is true.


Live is a one way street with many paths branching off but none of them going back. The harder you try to turn around and go back the more narrow the road will became until you are stuck. You have to give in and keep moving forward, regardless how frightened you are, or how tired you are or how much pain, physically and emotionally, you might be in. Regardless what you suffer. You have to keep moving forward. 


I began this somewhere. Some thought or idea desired to be written, noticed. Words are like that. Spirit is like that.


I may never be able to do many of the things I could once do, like walk, make dinner, clean up the house, dress nicely in so many of the beautiful outfits and dresses I have, but by accepting the idea that I must move forward while still losing so much of myself, I am actually gaining. Gathering more to me. You see how this works? As long as you never give up, you gain more and more with every day that passes. Not lose. You only lose when you give up.


Wealth does not come from where you think it does, that is if you believe that money is everything and that having it is all important. That way never leads you to true happiness. Oh, I know there are people out there who claim that it does. But you see, nothing, absolutely nothing, lasts forever.


People hang on so tightly to life, they actually squeeze the life right out of it. They destroy any enjoyment they could have had.


They work, they fill every moment of their days with as much as they can because they are terrified of the calm, quite the days have to offer. Problems wrap themselves around them like a swaddling cloth. They are so frightened of death, they are not living their lives. They are afraid of not having so they hoard, work until they are run nearly into the ground. Then they ask, “is this all there is to life?”


Add to this picture all those people who scrimp and save, struggle every day of their lives simply to survive just one more day. The interesting thing is, these people tend to see, hear, and feel more than those who have more and a seemingly better life. They are, in a strange way happier, freer, and so much closer to what so many are looking for, but don’t realize is right there for everyone to have.


If you think I am making very little sense, I am sorry only that you may be misunderstanding something. Some of this is difficult to write so late at night and really I should have gone to bed. For some reason, I am tired, but cannot sleep at the moment. I imagine something needs to be written, completed or at least begun to be finished later in due time.


God Bless




Things just don’t want to get better

Saturday, June 10, 2017

12:53 AM

I can’t shake the feeling that something truly awful is going to happen. Most people will think I am being silly or over dramatic, letting things get to me.

Maybe I am, and maybe I am not frightened enough. I just feel something awful is coming. Something that makes much of what we have gone through in the past as easy.

There will be some who say that Alzheimer’s makes you feel that way. And to some extent I suppose we do. After all our world is growing darker, and smaller and far scarier. There comes a time when I am anxious for the unresponsiveness to come sooner.

Of course, it may be all about the changes Alzheimer’s is making with me, especially my mind. Why wouldn’t I start seeing things as going darker and running head long into the apocalypse?

Still, the world seems headed towards a bad place. I wanted a brighter, happier world full of adventure and job opportunities and happiness and no worries about health care. I was hoping this country would stop all the fighting amongst themselves and start getting along better. You can’t deal with the world as a whole if you can’t even talk with your neighbor without yelling or throw nasty words around because someone or something has made you feel uncomfortable.

Some of what I am feeling is coming from all the meanness I see and hear about. We have definitely fallen into a very dark time and we should be afraid. What comes will not be stopped easily, certainly not if people continue to wear blinders or pretend everything they hear, see or read is fake news because it makes them uncomfortable or because they just don’t like what they hear.

Right now I could almost swear I’m in the twilight zone and fell down the rabbit hole to boot. And we all know the nightmare the second story was. I’m beginning to think we are living some of those nightmares written so long ago and it terrifies me. What if some of those books and movies written not so long ago start coming true? What do we do then?